President's page: Help through civility

Shelly Dreyer is the 2024-2025 Missouri Bar president.

I have wanted to be a lawyer since I was a kid, and I truly love being a lawyer. Not every day is puppies and rainbows, but overall, I love the profession and am extremely proud to be a lawyer.

I heard our colleague, Keith Cutler, once ask the question: In what profession, other than professional athletes, are members directly adversarial to each other? That really made me think. Others may advertise or compete for business, but it is not inherent in their job that they are adversarial to those of their own profession. In the practice of law, unfortunately, I have seen some lawyers take that difference to mean we can treat each other without respect and courtesy. 

I think we can all agree that civility is important. But have we stopped to think about how incivility is affecting us and our profession? 

Let’s face it: The practice of law can be hard and stressful. Regardless of our practice area, there are deadlines, heavy workloads, and a litany of other demands that can create a high-pressure environment. Add the stress of everyday life outside of our careers, and it is not shocking that a nationwide study of 13,000 lawyers indicated that 28% experienced depression, 19% reported anxiety, 21% had alcohol use problems, and 11% struggled with drug use.¹ These statistics sadden me not only for those who are currently practicing law, but for future generations of lawyers. 

We are fortunate to have a bar that unifies all Missouri lawyers and provides resources to help us even better serve our clients and communities, while trying to reduce some of the stress of practicing law. These resources include practice management tools, CLEs about well-being, continuing education and networking opportunities, and the Missouri Lawyers’ Assistance Program. 

But we, the lawyers practicing in Missouri, have an obligation to ourselves and our colleagues to help improve the profession by improving the lives and well-being of lawyers.

Incivility can foster a culture that decreases job satisfaction and declines the overall quality of life. I think most of us can remember when a colleague treated us with rude, hateful, or aggressive behavior, and how it made us feel. I certainly can think of times when I received a contentious comment, email, or letter and found myself being angry or upset. And if we are honest, many of us, myself included, can recall a time when we were rude, abrasive, or curt to another lawyer. It may not have even been about the case or the other lawyer but instead about something completely unrelated, like maybe receiving bad news that morning. Each of us is doing the best we can, albeit each day our best may look different.

So how can we take better care of each other? Recognizing the needless stress and destructive impact of incivility on lawyers is an important first step. Whether we are the subject of it or feel ourselves acting in a way that is not professional and courteous, we should stop to ask ourselves what the behavior is really about. If the behavior is stemming from us – whether it’s because we are frustrated with a situation, a person, or an outside source such as fatigue or stress – remember how it made us feel to be on the receiving end of incivility. 

And if we are on the receiving end, let’s not assume the other lawyer is just a jerk, for lack of a better word. Instead, extend empathy and grace. We never know what our colleagues may be experiencing and what a kind word can do. After all, regardless of what area of law we practice or where we practice, we are one profession. 

Together we are members of a noble profession that serves a vital role in maintaining the structure, fairness, and integrity of the legal system. So, let’s continue to help each other through civility.