Sober curious?

By Stacy Parmer, director of the Missouri Lawyers’ Assistance Program 

The holiday season is upon us, and recently I’ve heard numerous stories about how the invitation to indulge in festive drinking feels inescapable and frustrating. For many lawyers, this time of year can be filled with heightened stress, so they surrender to peer pressure and lower their boundaries to imbibe.

But consider the idea of being “sober curious.”

“[Being sober curious] means, literally, to choose to question, or get curious about, every impulse, invitation, and expectation to drink, versus mindlessly going along with the dominant drinking culture” says Ruby Warrington, author of the 2019 book “Sober Curious.”

I was speaking to several colleagues at a gathering, and one shared that she was ridiculed by her coworkers at their corporate party for not participating in the festivities — all various drinking games — to the point that she relented and felt obligated to play a game to fit in and stop the teasing. Another mentioned she found herself mindlessly accepting drinks at her holiday party because her boss kept buying everyone shots, as if it were a team building or bonding exercise.

As a lawyer, your life is often dictated by deadlines and demands, so the pressure to conform to social norms can be especially burdensome during the holiday season. It’s important to pause and ask yourself:

— Are there times when I feel obligated to drink to fit in?

— Do I find myself mindlessly accepting drinks simply out of habit?

By pondering these questions, you can begin to understand your relationship with alcohol and the expectations that often accompany drinking, thus paving the way for healthier boundaries and a deeper understanding of your own needs.

Sober curiosity isn't about completely abstaining from alcohol; rather, it encourages you to question the impulses and societal expectations surrounding drinking. It’s an exploration of your relationship with alcohol — an invitation to assess whether those drinks truly enhance your experience or merely numb the underlying stressors and pressures in your life.

Sober curiosity has shown to have several benefits:

— Reducing or refraining from alcohol can lead to clearer thinking, improved mood, and diminished anxiety. This would allow you to step into the new year with a fresh mindset and a sense of clarity alcohol often masks.

— Learning to say "no" to free drinks creates a powerful boundary, not just for your professional life but for your personal relationships too.

If you are interested in learning more about sober curiosity, the Missouri Lawyers’ Assistance Program provides no-cost professional, confidential counseling for members of The Missouri Bar, immediate family members who reside with them, and law students.

MOLAP can also connect you to a clinically trained substance use clinician, peer volunteers recovering from substance use, and individualized recovery plans.  

Visit MoBar.org/MOLAP  or call 1-800-688-7859 for more information.